She Is Not Okay
by thebookwurm
Summary: Cassie isn't getting better. She knows that for sure. But does she really want to?


Eat.

Eat.

 _Eat._

Cassie stares down at the small square of chocolate in her hand. The wrapper, lying next to her on her bed, shines from the light of her bedside lamp. In her palm sits the chocolate as it melts. Multiple times she has tried to make herself eat this tonight but she just can't bring herself to take one bite.

She closes her eyes and counts down.

One. Two. Three.

She brings the small candy to her lips. She takes a small bite. She swallows it. She tries to take another bite. She throws the square at the wall. It leaves a mark from where it hit the wall and broke into three pieces.

She lets out a small cry as she flops back on a pillow and turns onto her side

 _Maybe Sid will love you if you get better?_

 _No. Don't you like your collar bones?_  
 _You love them. You love your hip bones too. And your thigh gap._

 _But you need to get better._

 _You need to be skinny. You want to be skinny._

 _You want to be loved. You deserve to be loved._

 _No you don't._

Cassie proceeds to pick up the chocolate pieces and its wrapper to throw them away before she goes to get the spot off the wall from the chocolate. When that's done, she goes about her whole bedtime routine then crawls into her bed. As she lies beneath the covers, one of her hands wanders up to her collar bone. She traces it with her slender fingers as she closes her eyes.

She falls into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

In the morning she wakes up and gets ready for school. As she tries to walk out the door without breakfast her mom calls to her. "Cassie you need some breakfast in you."

"Oh, wow, sorry mum. I'm sort of in a rush."  
"Okay dear but at least take this," her mother says as she digs in the pantry for a granola bar and gives it to Cassie. "Thanks mum."  
Cassie's mother reaches out to tuck some hair behind her daughter's ear. "Alright. Have a good day darling. I love you."

"Love you too mum," the girl says as she rushes out the door.

She stuffs the granola bar in her pocket and continues walking down the street.

When she gets to school she puts her stuff away and grabs her supplies for first and second periods then continues down the hall to meet her friends in home room. She joins her friends and takes a seat.  
"Mate, no way you can make a human centipede. You can't even make a damn paper chain," Tony speaks to Anwar. But Cassie isn't listening. She's in her own little world. Absent mindedly, her hand reaches up to trace her collar bone. The bell rings and everyone moves to their seat.

The first half of the day goes by in a blur. Then it's time for lunch.

Cassie picks up a tray and a stupid little milk carton and moves down the lunch line. She doesn't want to take anything, but if she doesn't the lunch ladies won't let her leave the line or if she just doesn't buy a lunch someone could look at her lunch account and figure her out. So she grabs some pasta, a little yogurt cup thing, and a little styro foam dish of small pineapple chunks along with a puddding cup. The blonde looks down at her tray in disgust. Well, at least it's just enough to get past the lunch lady. She proceeds to the cashier and types in her student ID number in the key pad and grabs a fork and a straw before going walking over to where her friends are.

She sees her friends over where they usually sit: in the middle to the left. She sits down next to Michelle ad sets her trsy down on the table. "Hey Cass." Michelle offers Cassie a smile. Cassie smiles back and says hello. Anwar turns to Cassie with two straws up his nose. "Cassie does this look like an elephant?" she looks him over. "Oh, wow, um…"

Jal looks up at Anwar. "Muslim boy, that does not look like an elephant. Elephants have tusks on the side of their trunk not up their nose."

"Wow Cassie your voice sounds different!" Anwar retorts back as Jal whacks him upside the head with her music folder, the force knocked the straws out of his skull so one fell out and then the other. "Oi, I wasn't asking you in the first place!" Maxxie, Tony, and Chris snicker a bit. Sid just looks a mix of disgusted and annoyed because the straws fell into his pudding. He looks up and he frowns. "I hate you all."

"Aw, love you too Sid"

Sid shoots a look back at Maxxie. "Screw you all."

Cassie looked down at her tray. _Haha! You're not going to eat that._  
"Oh, Sid!" Sid turned to face Cassie. "Yeah?"

"Um, here," she slides her pudding over to him. "Have mine. We can switch so you have more room on your tray. Pudding makes me sick anyway."

 _Lie._

"Cheers. Thanks." He grabs the small cup from Cassie and exchanges his own for it.

When lunch is over she swiftly picks up her tray and dumps its contents in the trash before putting it above the trash can with all the other dirty trays.

 _Thank god that's over._

Cassie rather enjoyed lunch with her friends. She just didn't quite enjoy the lunch part.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! Sorry its so short. I probably wont update this one as much as my other stories but who knows.


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